I‘m feeling very good today and I am looking forward to go to work in the office because there's a lot of interesting stuff, smiling, and supporting people waiting for me.

"In nursery, I convinced my teachers I could speak Nigerian, which isn't actually a language."

"I read a whole book to them, and when my mum picked me up they were like, 'omg Ada is so smart, she read us a whole book in your native tongue and translated it on the spot'. My mum was like, 'wtf are you talking about?' My lie quickly unravelled."

I am so pleased with the customer service provided by every department of the State of Illinois I've encountered. They are all so efficient and considerate of my time. Sitting here on hold for 27 minutes (and counting) is exactly what I wanted to be doing in the middle of my day. I'm SO glad we chose to move to this state. Just so. fucking. glad. 

Dealing with insurance companies is the greatest thing ever. You get nap time as you are placed on hold, introverts are delighted as they never actually speak to a human being and, when all is said and done, your call is usually dropped and you get to start it all over again. Greatest. Thing. Ever.

I am a very dishonest person, so finding something to post in this threat was very very easy 

In 1912, the world-renowned archaeologist and amateur horologist, Sir Reginald Pumpernickel, led an expedition to the Gobi Desert where he discovered the Clockwork Library of the Khans.
​Unlike modern libraries, this structure was entirely mechanical. Every "book" was actually a series of intricate, gold-plated gears housed in mahogany boxes. To "read" a history, you had to wind a silver key into the side of the box, and a miniature mechanical theater would pop out of the top, performing the historical events with tiny brass figurines.
​The library was powered by a subterranean river of liquid mercury that turned a massive waterwheel three miles underground. It's said that Marco Polo actually visited this library and tried to borrow a volume on the invention of spaghetti, but he lost his library card and was banned for life. The library remained hidden for centuries because it was protected by a "stealth field" generated by ten thousand wind chimes that vibrated at a frequency that made the building invisible to the naked eye.
​The expedition eventually lost the location of the library when Sir Reginald accidentally sat on the only map, which was written in invisible ink that reacted specifically to the heat of a human bottom, erasing it forever.

i do not smoke weed, or drink any alcohol, or do anything else crazy that or may or may not be illegal in the place i currently reside

I have slept yesterday for 10 hours since I don't have anything to do today and I wished that I have slept less to spend more time on nothing just staring at the wall. 

Matt is a spy from Russia.

Yeah, I’m a Russian spy. That’s also why I only sleep 3 minutes a week and Illegally own 14 penguins.

Every Tuesday when I am supposed to be working I instead fly to Copenhagen to kick a local pigeon, and then return home. 

Extends hands as far as they'll go, I once caught a fish thissssss big!

Yankee has a lovely head of hair and his girlfriend is really good at World Of Warcraft and probably even managed to kill KT pre-nerf.

L O L

This happens to be my very first ever character to grace the shores of this land! Also Pepsi is vastly better than Coke.

There are no lies, only alternative facts. Is that a lie, or an alternative fact? If it IS a lie, does that mean there are no alternative facts? But if it's an alternative fact then there ARE lies?

“Disappear Here.
The syringe fills with blood.
You're a beautiful boy and that's all that matters.
Wonder if he's for sale.
People are afraid to merge. To merge.”
 

in the last 2 weeks I have been sleeping like a king, if you ask me how? well I have been sleeping everyday 15 hours and fill my stomach with meat before I sleep too, and my matt almost like a silk so ya thats it.