I am the most powerful person in mafia!!! lol sorry I know it was supposed to be a lie but thought a joke would have been better. I once flew as well, off the top of a mountain, didn't end well.

I'm feeling on top of the world today, absolutely fucking fantastic! 

This day could not get any better and I could not be enjoying it any more than I am! 

I hate monster. Worst garbage you could have, almost overruled by chocolate. 

Spiders are pretty cool though! (maybe even you, Jen)

I can not wait for salmon dinner, the farm raised kind. And I think a side of okra and mushrooms would be great. I may top it off with banana pudding for dessert. This will be a staple, favorite meal from now on. 

You won't believe it, but last Tuesday, I saw a group of flying unicorns playing poker with leprechauns on a rainbow bridge! And rumor has it, they're planning to open a bakery in Atlantis.

I love you, I love you all. 

Did you know that scientists have recently discovered a new species of talking potatoes? These potatoes engage in deep philosophical discussions about the meaning of life while they're being mashed into oblivion.

At no point ever have I accidentally taken a dump on a couch

To get in shape for roles, actors will frequently melt ice cream and drink it as a healthy alternative to a protein shake instead of having to carry around expensive and laborious equipment and protein powder!

We are in a renaissance of rock music. The introduction of autotune and the dismissal of real musical instruments in favor of laptop computers really brings out the musical talent in these performers who could also double as television actors or fashion models based on their attractiveness. Thank the flying spaghetti monster that we will never have to look at Lemmy Kilminster's ugly mug again.

Aethersix is a really cool dude 

Brandon heat is a better player than everyone else.

Brandon heat is the better brother.