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| Things That Are Annoying Me - Part I | Started by: Butt_Ox on Apr 05, '09 21:44 |
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The Ox, feeling an itch on his ass, wanders out into the street looking for someone to abuse. Seeing no one, he grabs a milk crate....yes, a fucking milk crate, stands on it and begins telling anyone who will listen just how he feels... As you probably know, I hate all of you. This is nothing new. However, in order to make MY life a little bit easier, I thought I would share with you just a few of the reasons why I am constantly annoyed. It is important that you realize that this is far from an exhaustive list, but I would be here all day if I tried to articulate every little thing that was wrong with all of you. So...just off the top of my head, here are the top five things that are annoying me today. The top five can vary depending on the day, but today, this shit really annoys me: 5. Buddy Fucking Nielson Everyone hates an "in joke". That is, unless you are one of the douchebags who is part of the joke. That being said, if there is anything worse than an "in joke", it's one that just doesn't know when to go away. This whole Buddy Fucking Nielson crap wore out its welcome months ago. To date, it is currently the longest running in-joke in the history of the world. Ok, maybe all the shit with midgets, goats, and llamas is longer running, if that even counts as an in-joke. I digress. Seriously, it's less funny now than it was when it was first conjured, and it was not very funny then. Haven't you ever wondered why it's the same five people who are responsible for the numerous comments in each "Buddy" story or related speech? It's because the rest of us think you are retarded. 4. Misuse of Terms Normally this is much higher up on my list, but for some odd reason it has dropped a few spots today. Maybe it's because I am beginning to accept the futility of trying to help the rest of you to get a clue. Common infractions involve the use of words like "Community", "Family", and "Illegal". I'll take these one at a time. "Community": Why in the hell do you morons refer to the mafia as a "community"? Where else, besides these streets, have you EVER heard of the mafia referred to in this way? It is especially absurd considering that we live in seven different cities that are separated by thousands of miles. New York and Los Angeles are over 3000 miles apart. Call us a secret society. Call us an underground criminal organization. Hell, you can go crazy and call us La Cosa Nostra, just stop calling us a community. "Family": This one really cracks me up. People around these parts talk about a mafia family as if it's Mom, Pop, Brother, and Sister, instead of a group of criminals who are bound by loyalty and trust. You think I'm joking? You think I'm misinterpreting this? Ok, fine. Here's proof: How often have you heard some dipshit refer to inviting someone to a crew as "giving them a home"? Or referring to the unsponsored as "homeless"? These assholes think that their mafia family is the same kind of family that you find living in one household who are related by blood. These people talk about their families, singing their own praises, about how much they love each other and spend alot of time getting to know each other and bonding. Give me a break. A mafia family is made up of very bad people. They may not all like each other. Hell, they may want to kill each other...BUT, they are bound to each other by the business and the traditions of trust and loyalty. A mafioso knows that in order for La Cosa Nostra to survive, these traditions cannot be broken. For the record, an HQ is not a home. It's a fucking headquarters. It's where mobsters meet, not where they live. Do you think Albert Anastascia had a 50-bedroom HQ to accommodate his family? No, he had an Italian Social Club with a private backroom. The men who worked for him went home to their families at the end of the day. Yes, now I'm talking about the type of family that you are confusing with a mafia family. "Illegal": So, someone shot an unsponsored Gangster who had been in the country under 48 hours, eh? Don't fucking call it an "illegal shot"!!!! Last I checked, ALL murder was illegal. Hell, damn near everything we do is illegal! Some of you should really be working for the cops, with your obsessions for holding up the law. We are criminals. We make our living by doing illegal things. Stop using the word as if it is adverse to our way of life. 3. North Americans Speaking Like Brits Alright, goddammit. I know you, and I know you live in Missouri. So why in the fuck are you saying "arse"? Why are you screwing someone's nan instead of their mama? YOU ARE NOT BRITISH, SO KNOCK IT OFF! If you are American, be proud! You can legally carry a gun almost anywhere, you can eat all the fattening food you want, gain 300 pounds, and chicks will probably still fuck you. If you are Canadian, you can put maple syrup on everything you eat, and nobody will think you are weird. You can watch sports where smacking someone over the head with a stick is all part of the game, and nobody gets upset about it. We have it pretty good over here. Our ears are normal sized, and most of us retain all of our teeth into old age. Be grateful. Be proud of who you are! Stop being culture parasites! 2. YOU HAVE RECEIVED MY 2538th MAIL!!!!1!!!1one!11!!! Guess what? I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK! I would like to find out who started this whole phenomenon and hang them upside down by their toes, giving them paper cuts all over their testicles. Back in the old days, nobody gave a shit if they received any special sequential mail. If you would have pissed yourself over sending someone your 100th mail back then, you probably would have been committed to the loony bin. I have a hunch that this fad started at some time over in that "other place", where idiots run rampant. Let's let them keep their stupid schticks. THERE IS NOTHING GLORIOUS ABOUT RECEIVING SPAM! And finally.... #1. "Dingleberry made Don today" speeches You know how I said I didn't give a fuck about receiving your 23434th mail? I give even less of a fuck about your Boss earning the rank of Don. I strongly suspect that most other people don't give a fuck, either. Oh, but they are quick to jump on the spam bandwagon and show up just to say "congrats". That's right, 50 people show up just to say "congrats". And at least half of them probably don't really care. When there are numerous Dons running around, and it can be achieved in mere weeks, it really isn't something to rush to the streets to announce. It never was, really. It is only of importance to the family whose leader just made the rank. Keep it in your HQ, ok? And if you JUST CAN'T FUCKING RESTRAIN YOURSELF FROM SHOUTING IT TO THE WORLD, at least make sure that three other idiots haven't already announced it in the streets. The only thing I think of when I hear one of these announcements is "Maybe we should kill the prick now". Is that what you are shooting for when you make the announcement? That people will consider killing your Boss? Listen, if it isn't my Boss, it's his competition. I only care when MY leader becomes more powerful, and since he is already a Godfather, unless he reaches the rank of Supreme Master of the Cosmos, then I care nothing about any other ranking that is going on around here. Ox steps down from his milk crate and walks away Why are you still here? Piss off. |
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I made Don, thanks. I may just send you my 4,000th mail too, but what does that change? Nothing. Some of this I agree on, actually nearly all of it. Someone else making Don is competition, BFN is a horrible joke. Also I did fuck many nans by the way. I think I might just consider getting drunk and passing out now. Going to the local speak easy Aftershock purchases a fifth of one fifty one and goes back to his office to get shit faced by himself. |
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| Reply by: Aftershock at Apr 05, '09 21:51 | |
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Four words will suffice in response, clears throat, "Will you marry me?" |
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| Reply by: Lizzie at Apr 05, '09 21:51 | |
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| I would consider it, Lizzie, but mafia weddings are #6 on the list. | |
| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Apr 05, '09 21:55 | |
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| Even those which take place behind closed doors, as opposed to the idiots who hold them in the streets? | |
| Reply by: Lizzie at Apr 05, '09 21:59 | |
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Hey now, go easy. My dear mother was married in the street. Incidentally, I was also conceived in the street. |
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| Reply by: Elias at Apr 05, '09 22:12 | |
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Emoretti listens to the word of what he sees as a rather annoyed man and shouts out. "Congratulations." Emoretti then walks off. |
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| Reply by: Emoretti at Apr 05, '09 22:14 | |
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Coming out of an alleyway Emoretti returns to the scene of the speech and looks at the crumpled milk crate before speaking. "Just kidding! A good listen and some very good points made. Whether I agree with them all or not is a different matter. Think I'll give my opinion on one issue you've brought to the table if you will. I believe that a declaration of rank should definitely be an in-house (O.O.C in-house, get it!) thing and if you wish to share it with any friends you've taken the liability to trust outside your family circle then that is your wish. So I ..." Emoretti then realising everyone has left and he's talking to himself in the middle of the streets, stops talking and just walks off. |
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| Reply by: Emoretti at Apr 05, '09 22:14 | |
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Actually. I'll tell you what pisses ME off. When people come out to one of these street rants and all nod like broken bobble heads in the back of a taxi with bad suspension. The streets are how we keep this "community" pulled together and if someone needs to brag about attaining a goal or get married or open a freaking bubble gum shop they should be able to. (OOC: Regardless of any validity your argument might have in the real world, many times people do grow close and form long lasting friendships and family like relations due to the nature of the internet and games like this. It is a GAME after all and if people want to call their crew a family they can. Especially if they find and make those connections.) |
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| Reply by: KittieCapone at Apr 05, '09 22:22 | |
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Kittie, what the fuck is an "internet"? And if you insist on calling the mafia a "community", please tell me how an underground criminal organization that spans throughout the world is a "community". These streets are for mafia activities. If you want to have your drum circles and use such absurd terminology, take it to OOC avenue. |
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| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Apr 05, '09 22:32 | |
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| If you don't care so much, why you making a big deal about it? | |
| Reply by: duke5078 at Apr 05, '09 22:35 | |
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| You never answered me, is it all mafia weddings you're opposed to? | |
| Reply by: Lizzie at Apr 05, '09 22:36 | |
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Duke, what are you on about? If you have something to say, make it clear what you are talking about. Also, Kitty, you should have noticed that my gripe was not about people calling their families that term, but rather that they forgot which type of family they were running. A mafia family is not the same as a family based on consanguinity. |
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| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Apr 05, '09 22:37 | |
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| Lizzie, my gripe with weddings is only when they outnumber the amount of criminal activity in the streets. The occasional wedding is fine. People DO get married, after all. But when there are too many it starts to look like a lovefest around here, and that is annoying to me. I don't like it when we stray too far from the core of our existence, which is crime. | |
| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Apr 05, '09 22:41 | |
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Much as he wants not to do this ole DJ just can't help hisseff (senile ya know) CONGRATZ ON BEING PISSED OFF! waits to get pissed on |
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| Reply by: Diamond_Jim_Jr at Apr 05, '09 22:41 | |
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| Understood Mr. Ox... Maybe one of these days I shall mail you to talk privately about this. | |
| Reply by: Lizzie at Apr 05, '09 22:51 | |
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| Good job taking my ideas! | |
| Reply by: BobTheBuilder at Apr 05, '09 22:52 | |
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| Shut up. You already received your royalty check. | |
| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Apr 05, '09 22:56 | |
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To be honest Mr. Ox, as the founder of the "Buddy Fucking Nielson" thing, I don't care what you, or others think of us. We are a group of friends that like to enjoy the splendors of this life together. We are not an in-joke, we are not out for world destruction, we are simply here to live our lives like the rest of you. Think what you wish, but we are all in it for the fun. If you all think we're retarded, fine, if you like us, fine. You may think what you wish and speak out against us as much as you wish, but when it comes down to it, we don't care. Have a fine day Mr. Ox. |
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| Reply by: BuddyNielson at Apr 05, '09 23:06 | |
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Buddy. You've found a way to take a group of people from the coffee shops and make them all look like a bunch of douches. Congrats on your achievements in life, which is none whatsoever. If you would just look around and see that there are plenty of groups in the coffee shops that do not leave their hot beverages and run around the city streets talking about the most irrelevant things and making the most idiotic speeches. My IQ actually dropped below zero the other night after listening to one of your followers. You may just be a bunch of friends trying to have fun and live it together, but can't you do that in the privacy of your homes and not out here where us civilized folks have to watch in distress? It's not funny, it's not unique, it's not any of the above... it's just boring and moronic. Basically, all you folks do is talk with each other in the streets in a futile attempt at getting people to notice you. Please, just do us all a favor and attempt to stop breathing for an elongated period of time. Thank you. With as much respect as possible - Bob. |
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| Reply by: BobTheBuilder at Apr 05, '09 23:52 | |
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