A riddle for you Lindsay:

What is in a man's pants, has a head, and women Love to blow it?

Answer: A dollar bill, you perverts :D

Orsik waddles into the Streets as he hears the roars of laughter from what appears to be a joke contest. He had heard a few good punchlines since he joined the mafia; so he thought he'd chime in.

'Ello all. So, I've got this pair of shoes.

Orsik looks down at his boots.

And I can't help but think the guy I bought them from was a drug dealer.

"Why?" He asks himself in his head.

Because I think they're laced with something and I've been tripping all day.

Orsik has a seat to listen to other jokes.

So as a guy, I was looking at the ultimate sexual thrill. A threesome with twins. 

Now, imagine my surprise when I spoke to my girlfriend, who had a twin, and she was well up for it.

So did it, and it was bloody amazing a night full of amazing passion. If anything the twin was better looking than my girlfriend. 

And an all round great guy.

(is there a wooden spoon prize for the worst one :p)

Oh and more a statement than a joke that is from my profile

"If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear.....is he still wrong?"

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”

He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax, and then…..” he sighed, “we’ll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

A young blonde woman is distraught because she's scared her husband is having an affair on her, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Later that day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful woman. She grabs the gun, and holds it to her own head. Her husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. "Please" He says. "Don't do it!"

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband ''Shut up asshole, you're next!''

Adorkable shows up to the party in a stunning black dress with a red sash around the middle, it accented her body perfectly. She felt comfortable walking into the party ready to tell her joke. She walks up to NumberOne and begins telling her joke.

"A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government. So for homework that day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Johnny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad was no where to be found. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''

She smiles and takes her leave to grab a glass of whiskey while listening to the laughter of everyone within earshot.

Two blondes and a brunette are trapped on an island. The first blonde said "I'm going to swim back to land!" And summarily got eaten by a shark. The second blonde said "I'm going to build a boat and sail back to land." Her boat sank, and she got eaten by a shark. The brunette thought about it for a  second, and said "I'm going to take the bridge back to land!"

Bishop, usually not a man of many words, decided to get in on the fun anyway. What could it hurt. He stepped up and relayed His joke.

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.

In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”

“Onions?” the son asks.

“Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”

The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also.

In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.

“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

He chuckled slightly in spite of Himself and made His way to one of the tables to listen to the others.

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

KingAlucard hears a bunch of laughter, must be 2 streets away, he finally founds the source of all the commotion and starts busting out laughing, after everyone told their jokes he says

"So there is this guy from out of town who walks into a bar and notices a jar filled to the brim with ten dollar bills, he asks the bartender what is the jar for sir?"

The bartender replies "If you can do 3 impossible tasks you get to keep all the money in the jar"

The man puzzled asks "what are the three tasks?"

"you have to put ten in the jar" says the bartender, when he sees the man put a ten in he says "one you have to chug this entire bottle of tequilla without making a face. two their is a dog out back with a sore tooth, you have to remove it by hand. three their is a 70 year old woman who has never had an orgasm you have to make things right."

The man looks at the bartender and says "No wonder the jar is full thats impossible" After ordering a few shots the man finally gets up the courage and asks the bartender for the bottle of tequilla, He chugs it all without making a face, He then goes out back to the dog with the sore tooth and after a bunch of commotion and growling, then it all goes quiet thinking the man had died. 

The man comes back in and says "Now where is that old woman with the sore tooth?"

KingAlucard props himself up against the wall waiting to hear some jokes, He pulls out a cigg and a lighter from his jacket and lights it waiting.

What did the police man say to his chest?

"Your under a vest"

Cerebellum casually strolls up to the mic, leans in, and stares at the crowd whom intrigued him with their ominous silence...

     "Why did the Mafia Boss cross the road? ...."

      "Revenge.. the road crossed him the week before."

Noticing that not a single person laughed... he walked away with his head in shame.

So, sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar... followed by Batman.

Still chuckling, Savoia climbs up the stage. She surveys the assembled crowd and clears her throat. 

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" 

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. From the pulpit I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will gesture to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." 

In church next Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. 

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. 

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister solemnly. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. 

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was struck again with the hatpin. 

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. 

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" 

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!" 

"Amen," replied the congregation.
 

NumberOne was sitting on his table when Sausage started telling his joke, it was funny but he now definitely lost all the blondes in the party, none of them would probably talk to him after that.

The Party was going on when Death-Jr started telling his joke, NumberOne laughed at the joke, it was really funny, he wish the girl next door would blow him too. hehe

While enjoying the Party, NumberOne noticed Orsik coming in to tell a joke, so he jumped out of his seat towards the stage and took the mic saying: Welcome to the party Boss, It is an Honor, a round of applause please everyone. then he gets off the stage asking Orsik to join him at his Table.

As the party goes on, and more people starts joining and telling their funny jokes, NumberOne felt his mood is getting better. Explicit & TheReporter told their jokes which were very funny actually, NumberOne laughed a lot to them. He moved from his table to welcome them to the party and asked couple of the girls to escort the gentlemen to a nice table and take care of their needs.

NumberOne had just came back to his table after welcoming couple of participants when he noticed that beautiful sexy girl coming in, she was Adorkable. He said to himself wow. As soon as she finished her joke, NumberOne walked towards her and leaned printing a kiss on her hand saying: welcome to my humble party princess adorkable, It is a pleasure. I hope you find the party entertaining.

Quiet Joe was really enjoying the night of entertainment.  After hearing a few blonde jokes and realizing that they just did not get them, Joe climbed up on stage and thought he would try one more.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.  She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the blonde policewoman.  "Here it is" she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go.  I didn't realize you were a cop."