NumberOne walks to the stage one more time and takes the mic and waits for a moment to get the attention of the attendees then talks:

Dear Brothers & Sisters,

I would like to thank you all for joining the party.

I Hope You All Enjoyed it as Much as I did.

I'm Now Reviewing all Jokes & Will be Announcing The Winners Tonight.

Please Keep Enjoying the Party Till Then.

Any More Jokes Till The Announcement Will be Included in the Review.

"Good morning everybody!  A couple early zingers to get you started!  Saluti!" 

Two blondes are walking through the woods, and these gals come across some tracks.  Jessica says to Amy, in a very confident tone:

"Hey!! these look like deer tracks.  I love deer and these are the footprints.  Yes!  For ah suuuure."

Amy responses "Nah, these have to be horse tracks.  Yup!  Definitely heheheh"

15 seconds later they are both hit by a train...

.....

wooohoooo!

Alright, how bout another???:  

My brother was walking down a beach last weekend, Jersey shore.  Great time of course.  Matty minding his business walking the sands.

  Sees this train wreck of a gal, no arms, no legs.  A torso pretty much.  "Wild", he says.  She is sitting on a beach chair by the shoreline, by her torso-self.  really not sitting at all, just slopped their:

"Can I get a hug" says the girl.  My brother's a nice guy he can't help himself.  "Sure a hug"..., hugs her, and he goes on.

Next morning, same thing walking the same beach getting some early morning time to himself, and bam, same chick, same chair, right on the shoreline. She has a great smile but the rest is torso....broad says to my bro:

"Hey!  How bout a kiss, handsome?"  Again, my brother, manners this guy has, he gives her a kiss.  Nothing wild, but makes it nice for this poor gal, no arms no legs.  He walks on, has a day on the boardwalk.  Spends it with kids, wife, the whole thing.  Matty's a civilian.  Not made for our world.

Last morning on vacation, my main man Matty walking that same beach.  And sure as hell you have this same gal.  No arms, no legs, god bless her.  And she says to my bro.

"Hey mister, would you mind making love with me?"  says it real cute...real flirty...Got to be kidding me!!! Matty is a married guy.....Now Matty is a good dude, solid, stand up, but he can only go so far...

"Excuse me Miss?  This is a little inappropriate.  I am walking the beach, enjoying my vacation got my kids and wif..."  She interrupts, this crazy broad...

"Can you make love to me....can you fuck me."

MY brother, swear to God, grabs this girl out of her chair, and throws her into the Atlantic ocean and says;

"You're fucked, happy now?"

......

Ohhhh  Thank you everyone.  Pleasure to be here, and thank you NumberOne for this great party and atmosphere.  Jokes and jokes and joooookes.  Happy Summertime!  Nice to be having drinks with ya'll"

Nello hands the mic back to the tech and walks into the party.

NumberOne Associate walked to the stage and took the microphone and started talking to the crowd:

Dear Guests, 

Please Accept My Apologies for the Delay in Announcing the Winners.

NumberOne has been really busy today with some Important Tasks.

Winners Will Be Announced Tomorrow once he finishes reviewing them

Please Continue Enjoying The Party Till Then 

NumberOne walks to the stage one more time and grabs the microphone talking to the crowd,

Dear Brothers & Sisters.

We are Almost Over with Picking The Winners.

Names will be announced in couple of Hours.

NumberOne for one last time walks towards the stage, walks up the stairs to the center of the stage where there was a different arrangements set up there, he takes a nice golden mic and walks to the middle of the stage and speaks out loud:

Dear Guests,

It was a very nice Party, I enjoyed it a lot. I hope you feel the same as well.

It was really difficult to choose the winning jokes, There were quite a lot of them.

But Eventually We had to choose Some.

The Below 5 Participants were Short listed and we had to choose the winners from among them.

Joke 1 by TheReporter: The Blonde Killing Herself Joke

Joke 2 by KingAluCard: The Old Lady with Sore Tooth

Joke 3 by Uncle Joe: The Mute Accountant + The Young Mafiosa & Baby Jesus Joke

Joke 4 by ButterFinger: The 13th Shot BlowJob

Joke 5 by Nello: The Girl on The Beach.

Please let us give them all a round of applause.

Now It is Time to announce the Winners.

Comes in Third Place: Nello. Congratulations.

Comes in Second Place: Joseph-Ligambi, Congratulations Uncle Joe

& The Winner in First Place

is

KingAluCard

Congratulations Everyone, Your Prizes will be wired to you now.

Enjoy your Prizes & Do not Drink Too Much.

See you all in Future Parties

KingAlucard heard his name being said he listens as he was told he won first place for the best joke in the competition, he walks up to the stage goes to the podium and looks at all the mobsters who gave him a laugh with their funny jokes

"First place, thats crazy i have to thank Mr. NumberOne here without him this couldnt have been possible and of course to the voters, i hope you guys had a good laugh and a fun time as much as i did"

He says as he shakes NumberOne's hand and walks off the stage

My sisters into bestiality.................................

Well il be a monkey's Uncle   

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."