Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

A: Snowballs.

yo mamma so fat, she sleeps with a ruler to see how long she slept.

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store and after looking around for a while selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some scented candle, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen.

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts."

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

Little Johnny and his father went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, Little Johnny suddenly became curious about the world around him.

He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said: "Corned beef and cabbage.

If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

Oh my it was just so so slippery and wet my big wiener slipped right into it 

Oops for got the image, lol    https://cl.ly/2a391s3g1v3H

What are your thoughts on glass coffins?

eh, remains to be seen.

I joined a gym recently. I don't have the best history in the world of sticking with my fitness regimens, but I feel like this time's gonna be different. I figure one of two things is gonna happen: either I'll get into shape, or I'll just resign myself to paying an $85 a month fat tax.

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Yo mama so fat that when she walks in the street people say "oh my that woman is quite heavy set, perhaps she should think about lowering her caloric intake and exercise more often."

Yo mama so stupid that people say "look there goes that unintelligent woman."

Yo mama so loose that people say "you are loose!"

Should be gifted millions for these 3 gems above, enjoy them...love them...share them...tattoo them on your body if you must. Thank you.

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

A Red Sox fan walks into a Boston pub and spots a guy wearing a New York Yankees cap. “Drinks for everyone here, bartender!” shouts the Red Sox fan. “Except for Mr. Yankees!”

The Yankees fan smiles and says, “Thank you!”

Infuriated, the Red Sox fan orders another round of drinks for everyone except Mr. Yankees, who, again, thanks the man. This goes on for a while, until Mr. Red Sox asks the bartender, “What’s the matter with that guy? I’ve ordered rounds of drinks for everyone but him, and all he does is thank me. Is he nuts?”

“No, he’s not nuts,” says the bartender. “He owns the place.”

Walter took his wife Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, "Ethel, you know that I'd love to go for a ride in that helicopter." But Ethel would always reply, "I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

Finally, they went to the fair, and Walter said to Ethel, "Ethel, you know I'm 87 years old now. If I don't ride that helicopter this year, I may never get another chance." Once again Ethel replied, "Walter, you know that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

This time the helicopter pilot overheard the couple's conversation and said, "Listen folks, I'll make a deal with you. I'll take both of you for a ride; if you can both stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say just one word, it's 50 dollars."

Walter and Ethel agreed and up they went in the helicopter. The pilot performed all kinds of fancy moves and tricks, but not a word was said by either Walter or Ethel. The pilot did his death-defying tricks over and over again, but still there wasn't so much as one word said. When they finally landed, the pilot turned to Walter and said, "Wow! I've got to hand it to you. I did everything I could to get you to scream or shout out, but you didn't. I'm really impressed!"

Walter replied, "Well to be honest I almost said something when Ethel fell out but, you know, 50 dollars is 50 dollars!"

Some say filling animals with Helium is Wrong.

I say whatever floats your goat.

One of my kids favorites:

How much do they charge a pirate to pierce his ears?

A buck-an-ear...

Some of these have made me laugh a little, but that one from Aegon caused an actual laugh out loud moment making the kids stare at me! Well done Aegon.