Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

Check out this really funny jokes: http://www.short-funny.com/hilarious-jokes.php#ixzz50e4iRdcp

What do you call a thirsty camel? 

A dry humper ;)

What does Internet Explorer do?

It downloads Chrome!

What prostitute celebrates her birthday, A, B or C?

..

..

Whore A!

Rolf poor blondies...

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

A guy's driving down an old country road and he sees a farmer in his orchard feeding his pigs, but what he's doing is he's taking one pig at a time, holding him up, letting him eat an apple out of the tree, and then setting him down before picking up another pig and letting him eat an apple. So the guy pulls over and walks up to the farmer and he says, "Wouldn't it save time to just knock all the apples on the ground and let the pigs eat them all at once?" And the farmer, confused, looks at him and says, "What's time to a pig?" —DOUG STANHOPE

Daily Hustle

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat mate..

So much spam. I'm just here to post a reply in an Outside thread that is at least a few words.

There were these two old ladies that lived in the nursing home. 

One says to the other wanna go streaming the hall ?

The other one says I will do it if you do ?.

So they took off their clothes and ran down the hall with no clothes .

So as they were running there was these two old men sitting in one of the rooms abd they looked up .

One asked did you see that ?

Yeah what was that? 

I don't know but what ever it was it needs ironing .

I actually had a little giggle at that InactiveSlacker. Good effort!

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up* 
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?" 
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

Me: Mum i got a detention today
Mum: Why!
Me: Well the teacher pointed the ruler at me and said "at the end of this ruler is a idiot".
Mum: Yeah so
Me: I asked what end.

Husband (watching a video):
Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.

What's brown and sticky? A stick

Daily Hustle