i dont hafve no joke to tell lol

What is the number 6.9?

Something great interrupted by a period.

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

Because he just couldn’t see himself doing it.

You so dumb the news cast said it will be chiller out side, "you want out with bowl and spoon.

Knock! Knock! Who’s there? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who?

Never mind, it’s pointless.

Man: “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
Friend: “Why not?”
Man: “I don’t like to interrupt her.”

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

This man was really lonely, so he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: "Wife wanted."
He was surprised the next morning to find he had over a hundred replies in his inbox.
Unfortunately, they all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies.
Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.”
His read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

As the hostess at the casino 
buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my 
husband, who would be joining me 
momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly ...”

She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”

While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.

“It’s taped under the modem,” 
I told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”

Q. Why shouldn’t you marry a tennis player?

A. Because Love means nothing to them.

MrBlonde  :P

Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.”

The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”  :p

What is green and furry and would kill you if it fell out of a tree??

A pool table!!

BA DA PSH!!

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning?

A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?

A: A rebel without a clue.

A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.

Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?"

She replies, "Soup and ice cream."

You guys familiar with Elliot's Peripheral Extrapolation Theorem? That's the one that states that depending on the size of an enclosure, i.e. an aquarium or terrarium, that the animal, i.e. fish or lizard, that you put in that area will grow depending on the size and the room it has to grow in. And based on that, I've been wearing some very large underwear.

daily hustle

A priest, a rabbi, and a stripper walk into a speakeasy. The bartender eyes the group suspiciously before asking, "What is this a joke?"

Yo mamma so far she got on the scale and it read to be continued

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V2sBURgUBI

"So what's the deal with the daily hustle huh? Some of these goals they give you are crazy. Like who the hell wakes up in the morning and says I'm going to lose $500 on gambling. Seriously no one wakes up in the morning and says I'm going to lose some money today. Then the whole take a flight to another city. Do I wake up and say you know what I feel like flying all the way over to Philadelphia just because. Then send someone money. First off if you're not my family or we're not related by blood or I'm not fucking you why the hell would I send you money for? Thank you I'll be here all week."