~

The Pacific Press

~

A news paper unlike any other

Hello and welcome to the first edition of The Pacific Press. I was going to end that sentence with an exclamation mark but that would imply a level of excitement that no longer exists. In fact the last of the excitement seemed to leave around the same time as the last of the cocaine, but we soldiered on all the same. Now, deep into the brandy-and-regret phase of the late night editorial crunch, its over. Probably along with my marriage. Anyway...

All of us here at Pacific Towers are very proud of our first edition. Indeed, such a rare collection of sober and functional moments from such a diverse group is highly unlikely to ever be achieved again. But still, with enough chemicals, threats and empty sexual promises, anything is possible. This issue would have been here a good deal sooner but the continued campaign of bloodshed by one prominent bald twat, has caused more than a couple of rewrites. With writers bribed, drugged and beaten to get back to work, we finally have this magnificent bastard over the line. We hope you all enjoy it.

E.

Contents

Whats New

The Big Interview

Astrology 

Trip Advisor

Personal Ads

Dear Judith

Crossword

Rebel Reporter

Whats New

A general roundup of events

Top Story: New newspaper launches, Men get aroused by the mere act of unfolding it, Women rip off their clothes in ecstatic, journalism-fueled bursts of pleasure. 

Ever since the cessation of The Potato, people have been clamoring for some sort of public entertainment. With the death of TsuDhoNimh, GRHS, seemingly signalling the lack of vegetable-related publications, a void was left in our world.

The Pacific Press, a joint venture by Las Vegas and Los Angeles, hopes to enthusiastically and repeatedly attempt to fill that hole. Only time will tell. Things may get hairy, but as we tend to our own garden we hope to witness a flowering and sprouting here on the West Coast.

I, for one, hope this is the first of many issues- and I'm happy to sit down and follow in my mother's footsteps. Although I get the sense that I'll be far less formal.  Time to make a good use of that college education, right? If you've got any ideas or things you think need to be covered- or people who need to be interviewed, swing by the Bradbury building in LA and head up to the top floor. 

Chicago falls

Everyone who doesn't have their head under a rock is obviously aware that the crews operating out of Chicago have been removed. If you're the kind of person who thinks "Eh? It's not my city. Carry on." and feels no need to get out in the streets and investigate this for yourself, then you're probably not going to even be reading this, never mind following my recommendation. If you did care, well then you've probably already done some investigating. 

The original announcement made by Godfather-Chairman Disorder is found HERE 

Disorder then further addressed specific accusations/concerns expressed by  HERE 

Chicago immediately repopulated

Just days after teh removal of the city, Las Vegas moved to send three of it's prominent families to each occupy a district and begin the rebuilding work of Chicago. The movement of those crews and the announcement can be found HERE

Detroit Open For Business

In a recent announcement, Godfather Disorder mentioned plans for ambitious men and women to run their own operation in Detroit. Detroit is now an open city. Anyone can set up there, provided they can pay the listed "rent". Different stages will be offered with limits on BG protection and fortifications, which will require different amounts of tribute to achieve. 

The full announcement can be found HERE

New Auths

A slew of new operations have emerged in the last week or so. The Pacific Press wishes them good fortune and good business, and we eagerly look forward to seeing what they accomplish.

Niko - Manhattan NY, HERE 

Salvadore - Bronx NY HERE

Mr_Cat and Falcone - Old City District PH HERE

Mickey_Bowers - North Side CH  HERE

Malachai - The Loop CH  HERE   

Gaston - The Loop CH  HERE

Vivian_Ward - Summerlin LV  HERE 

Hisoka - Paradise LV HERE

MoeLester and Frankie4Fingers - The Strip LV  HERE 

Kharon's Challenge

Kharon, Don of Las Vegas and avid ferryman, has launched a competition to figure out how the hell you sail a ship in the desert of Las Vegas. Can you provide a solution? Creativity will no doubt be rewarded; this humble journalist may throw their own hat into the ring as well!

Details are found HERE

Kathryn

The Big Interview

Our inside look at prominent mobsters from around the country

Six Shots with Kathryn

Kathryn smiled and stood as Godfather-Chairman Disorder walked into her office, flanked by a couple bodyguards who took up positions on the wall. Shifting her chair so as to avoid having the desk between them, Kathryn reached over and grabbed her notepad. 

'Thanks for agreeing to sit down with me, Disorder. I was thinking that I'd run a regular interview- and I've come up with six questions that will hopefully provide some entertainment and education for those looking to make their way in our world, as well as hopefully providing some insight into people.'

She shrugged.

'Anyways, I know you're busy. Here's number one, to start you out easy.  Can you tell me about the relationships you've built. Who's on your team and why?'

Disorder raised an eyebrow at the question. Taking a moment to reflect he chuckled to himself.

"I suppose the obvious names are the ones that spring to mind. Camp has been a loyal servant since we were in FitzChivalry's crew and I handed him round the public for sex. I wouldn't trust his restaurant though, Disappointment Burger certainly lives up to it's name. 

In truth I have a lot of relationships with a lot of people. Everyone can be valuable if you listen to them. Some people are obviously more important to me than others but I think everyone has value. Even the window-licking madman can occasionally come out with a moment of true inspiration. Except Jono, no Jono will never be helpful to anyone."

Kathryn makes a note to avoid visiting Disappointment Burger. She'd heard stories during her long time in Las Vegas, but she'd never visited. Apparently, that shouldn't be a source of regret for her. 

'A good point about everyone providing some sort of value. What about those who don't necessarily directly aid you, but have still earned your admiration? Can you share three people from other cities who impress you- and why?'

She smirked as she gestured to herself and quipped. 

'Present company excluded, of course.'

Disorder raised an eyebrow.

"Anyone who works well and makes the effort to develop all aspects of their life, criminal endeavors, being involved in public events and discussions, showing up for their family and city. Anyone that makes genuine effort like that has my respect as their life benefits us all."

Thinking about the next question his eyes scanned the air thoughtfully. 

"-Santos- in New York impresses me. He's quite a contentious figure who divides opinion but when push comes to shove, that motherfucker is as solid as it gets. I've asked him to do some really difficult things and he's done them immediately, without hesitation or complaint and he's never so much as mentioned it in conversation since. The guy may be difficult for some people to understand but his heart is like no other's.

FuegoSteve in Chicago is another. His line and mine have some pretty intense history but his professionalism and heart can not be argued with. He's been able to address and resolve all past issues and work openly and without reservation in helping develop and protect our city and now Chicago. In his early days he put himself in the firing line during a war and hunted people all night long, never once taking a pro shot and not resting once until the final person was killed. That is a good example of the kind of commitment he's shown to both the city and to his word to me. He deserves high praise.

MickDundee would have to be the third person I pick of three currently above ground. A lot of people say a lot of things but few ever see it through. Mick is 100% living proof of what so many claim they would be. How often have you sat around a table and heard a few drinks make people say 'If I had a billion dollars I'd take care of you all!' ? Plenty I'm sure. How many actually do it when the money comes their way? Exactly. Well Mick, he became a billionaire and he did give it all away. We all praised him to the highest heights, then guess what? He became a billionaire again and gave it all away again. The guy is living proof of what it means to be selfless and compassionate. We should all try to be a bit more like Mick."

Kathryn jots down some notes, raising her eyebrows at the billionaire story.

'I guess I need to be nicer to Mick, then... that's certainly impressive.

You somewhat already touched on this in the first part of your response, but what advice would you give to a brand new bloodline looking to rise the ranks in our society?'

She looked across for the response.

"Look around. Read the streets and pay attention. Look at mobsters who have what you want and act the way you want to act, then go work for them. Learn what you can from them. Don't be in a rush to be a Crew Leader or change the world. Some of the most valuable experiences I ever had were being a Right Hand to a couple of brilliant Leaders. My line was around several generations before they ever lead. I think that time helped a lot."

'Some good advice there, I think. I agree with the idea of not rushing to lead a crew; learn how to swim before you take the jump into the deep end.'

Kathryn flipped the page of the notepad.

'Here's a more reflective one. What do you consider your most significant achievement and why?'

"Jesus. Thats a hard one. I'd assume it would be one of the things I have done that has safeguarded those I love and care about. Though which one of those things would be hard to say was the most significant. Others would argue it is the abuse I absorb so they don't get any. I really can't say. I don't look at myself that much, I try to keep my focus on more important things than vanity."

'Interesting. Perhaps we'll expand on some of that next time we sit down for a philosophical chat. This one could be a long answer, short answer- whatever you'd like.

If there was one thing you could change about our society, what would it be?'

"Right now, I'd make it so people protected by the 'R' tag had that tag removed if they took a shot at anyone."

'I definitely agree with that. One last question: What do you want your legacy to be? How do you want to be remembered?'

"I haven't really thought about that. Its a bit like the other question you asked in that it relates to self image. I tend to reject the temptation to dwell on anything like that, its a mire of useless vanity. The most profitless of sins. How I am remembered is none of my business. Thats for other people to decide. I'm too busy working to worry about what people will think of me when I'm gone."

Kathryn tilted her head.

'An interesting attitude, and a productive one. I might debate you a little here but...'

Kathryn flicked her eyes to the clock.

'Well, I've already taken more than enough of your time, so we'll save that for later. Thanks for sitting down with me, Disorder.'

Kathryn

Astrology

Mystic Merci's Magical Musings

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Everyone you know wishes they hadn't met you. Avoid the following colors: red, blue, green (and any mixture of those).
 

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Ask him if you look 'fat'.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

You will die alone and poorly dressed.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

Pigeon poop burns the retina for 13 hours. You will learn this the hard way.

LEO (July 23-August 22)

An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly!

VIRGO (August 23-September 22)

There are now 23 nicknames going around for you. None of them are flattering.

LIBRA (September 23-October 22)
'Tis better to have loved and lost than to have done it with Steve and now need penicillin.

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)

Three can keep a secret, if you get rid of two.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)

Your problem just got bigger. Think, what have you done?
 

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)

The stuff that scares you probably won't happen but other bad stuff definitely will.

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)

Love is on the horizon. The stars predict he will be tall, dark, and a centaur.

PISCES (February 19-March 20)

Don't get on that plane.

Merci

Trip Advisor

Our undercover business critic takes his regular secret visit to evaluate a business picked at random. This week, he's been exploring the budget end of Detroit's dirty districts.

The Peach Pit

28A Branscombe Ave

Detroit

Can’t praise it enough!

My parents stayed here and recommended it. We were a little apprehensive as small places like these can be hit or miss sometimes, however we were very pleased!

I'll go into detail on the apartment later, but the real selling point here is the history of the place. We were greeted at 10/11pm after some long airport delays by a small pungent fellow by the name of Gordon. After a short explanation of the place and signing some papers on disclaimers and health insurance etc., Gordon asked if we’d like to grab some food but, this late? Whilst we didn't speak much with Gordon, as we were out a lot, but mainly disgusted by his appearance he was always around and always very polite. We never had to ask for much but certainly got the impression that he would bend over backwards to do what he could to help. Thanks again!

The area itself is perfect. a very short walk to some good restaurants and the fish dock, and a slightly longer walk to a large shingle riverside embankment littered in disused oil drums and used condoms which served its purpose as described in the brochure being the nearest thing to a beach for miles.

Now the accommodation itself.

APARTMENT: was larger than we expected, and for a young couple had plenty of space and electro-mechanical devices for sexual gratification purposes. It was also very clean and looked more modern than many other apartments with little to no signs of wear. The décor was somewhat unusual however, with an old bottle of formaldehyde above the bed with an object floating inside. We assumed it was a local version of Mezcal until we read the label which simply said “Ragnarok’s Penis June 1927”

KITCHEN: had everything you could need, however we tented to just have lunch or breakfast in and eat elsewhere for most of our trip. On arrival, there was a selection of condiments/condoms/spices and some bottles of water in the fridge (which after airport delays in the heat were a godsend!) There were the mummified remains of 2 men beneath the sink which in all honesty didn’t faze either of us one bit.

BATHROOM: was spotless and everything worked as expected. Even the plaster cast above the shower of what resembled the nose on an adult male walrus became a talking point whenever we had sex in there. Gordon later revealed that it was a cast of some guy’s mother’s lady parts. That will always make us Grin whenever we think of this holiday.

BEDROOM: plenty of storage space, we used less than half of it. Bed was firm and comfortable, and the pillows were good. Having shutters, but no curtains and opening windows gave more options for cooling the room down during sex, and honestly, we slept well every night after a damn good banging.

PATIO: provided plenty of space to sit out with a beer on the warm nights, and pillows are provided for the crates making them comfortable to sit on albeit they could do with a good wash.

POOL: The pool had plenty of deck chairs for sunbathing and a shower for rinsing my penis after the various encounters I had with the staff. The pool itself isn’t huge but we rarely saw anybody else in it apart from the occasional stool and panty liner. One minor issue was if you go later in the day, there can be bugs floating in the water, but hardly a crisis.

For our first real holiday as a couple this was a great experience. From accommodation to location everything was just as we wanted. Although I went out with a girlfriend and came back with two young Fijian men, so maybe I’m a little biased.

Ambrose Mottishead

Rochdale

England

Personal Ads

Because everyone has needs.

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Trigger Happy in Toledo 

Single Male looking for single female. Must enjoy the smell of gunpowder and garlic. Must always admire my massive guns, as they are how I make a living. Woman should be average height and weight, and not to fussed about nose hair. If Interested please call. 

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WANTED: PO-TA-TOES. (Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew.) Preferably of the NEW YORK variety, which has a perfect balance of starch and snark. West Coast substitutes just won't satisfy. Please contact: KR, 914 Summit Drive Beverly Hills, CA 90210.

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WANTED: High quality wood. Any color acceptable as long as high quality. Needed ASAP, please contact Gracie in LA/LV.

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FOR SALE: 500 Bulletproof vests. Going out of business in Delaware City due to lack of demand. Send letter with best offer to The Gun Shop, Delaware city.

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WANTED: Man who can shoot once an hour, every hour, for as long as it takes. Could be 17-18 hours on some weekends. Perk preferred so you can occasionally go for two. - Miss Marathon - Seattle, WA

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Single, Adventure Loving Man Looking For Love

Does it ever feel like you can barely get started before you're cut down? I know how you feel. Looking for a woman who is okay with frequent disappearances. I usually only last for a minute or two, but I'll pop up quick before you know it! If interested, please post a notice here with my name: Rogue

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FOR SALE: One gently used shovel (I'm stupid and shouldn't get my hands dirty anymore!). $10 OBO. Call Digger in Lake Mead.

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WANTED: Polio vaccine.

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Dear Judith

Agony Aunt to the desperate and shameless

Dear Judith,

I am a true Mafioso and I am in search for my Bonnie. I'm so love sick, I don't even have the heart to deal drugs or even swipe an old ladies purse without her by my side. Can you help me out? How do I find that one special lady?

Sincerely,
Desperately Seeking A Susan, Any Susan

P.S. Are you single?

Dear Desperate Reader,

You should know women like money. Money equals women. They love to spend money, especially when its someone else's. So stop being distracted with something you can't get and start earning! And if you can't land a pretty one, just pay for dame! No shame in having to pay to get your log wet.

Very Respectfully,

Judith

P.S. I am single and always ready to mingle. Just not with chumps with no money!

Dear Judith,

I come to you with a problem. I hired this guy to... Let's just say 'protect my interests'. Things have been going great. I'm... 'yanking' my fellow business associates from tight spots, I'm collecting on business accounts with no interference. But here's the problem. After a month of working closely with this guy, he knows all my secrets, I find out he's been.... Running his mouth. What should I do with this guy Judith?

Sincerely,
Definitely Not a Mobster

Dear Definitely Not a Mobster,

I had a pimp recently send me some mail concerning a broad of his. And this is very similar to his own letter. Let me tell you this... someone is getting a little too 'relaxed' and doesn't realize who their employer is. How do you fix that? Beat them in front of others, and show them who's boss. I don't ever condone hitting a woman but a spank will suffice. 

Stop being a bitch,

Judith

Dear Judith,

I have a problem. My boss is so frustrating! He is always telling me what do, even if I don't want to do it, he FORCES me to! And then, when I think I can't get any more mad at him, he brings me flowers, or my favorite French coffee, or does something so wonderful I forget why I was mad in the first place. Please help!

Sincerely,
Hormonal Mess

Dear Hormonal Mess,

Stop being a pain in the ass. It sounds like you have a Boss that does more than most and knows whats good for you. You sound like someone who's close to me that I adore. But stop being stubborn. Flowers and French coffee could be replaced with shit that you absolutely hate. Your life is good. You need more help than I could give.

Very Respectfully,

Judith

Crossword

A special thanks to the members of RP Inc for this week's crossword. 

 Pick Up Your Copy Here!

Rebel Reporter

Our regular trip into the unusual world of rebel reporter, Tom Scully

Bring me the Space Man

I'm sitting there minding my own business and wondering if the doctors are really to be trusted on the medical benefits of smoking. They appear convinced but I'm far from it. After putting away about fifty Luckies a day, I gotta say I'm starting to feel a bit wheezy. The cops chased me up a street in San Fran last month and I damn near puked up a lung. I had to shoot one cop in the leg just to stop the poor bastard chasing me. No, some fucker is lying to us all and I'd bet those tobacco bastards are making it sweet for the surgeon general to give us the wrong message. 

I light up another and stare at the mound of pills and bills on my desk. Those mob guys have it right, they take no shit and pay for nothing. Just get poor fools to run their businesses into the ground while they dance with profits like a bunch of well-suited surfers enjoying the hard work of the wave that carries them. Some flashy nights, fast broads and a nice new suit, they're sold. Soon as the ink is dry on the deed, boom! They're left standing, struck dumb like a cow that's been tricked into the abattoir. The fun stops and the milking starts. When the milk runs dry, the knives come out and they celebrate the end with a good bloody steak. I look back at the bills. Bastards.

There's a knock at the door. A messenger drops an envelope and a knowing look on my desk. Fucking messenger boy, in a suit that would cost most honest folk a year's wages. I don't kid myself any more. The moral dilemma was yesterday's problem. The good man was washed downstream looking for the good life. Forever corrupted and tied to this leash of silk promises. He leaves, I open the note. A meeting. Where the fuck is that anyway? Are those coordinates? They taught me maps in the military but its been a while. I rummage through my desk and pull out a map. What the fuck?

***

I squint into the relentless sun. A bird squawks and flies by like some impatient vulture from a western. The heat is oppressive and it isn't helped by the occasional wind whipping dust and sand at my sweat-soaked face. I pull out a handkerchief, remove my aviators and wipe my face as best I can. The drugs were wearing off and the aftermath wasn't pleasant. I fumbled in my pocket for the container and squinted at the label. What the hell had I been taking anyway? Ibogaine. Ah yes... I threw a couple more pills down my neck and swallowed hard against the dry air. The doc prescribed that to help with the heroin habit I was developing. This stuff was possibly worse. Psychotropic madness with a side order of introspective hell. The only way I could keep the balance was to crack a vile of Benzedrine and inhale the sweet air of stimulation. The combination of both made for the most spectacular of experiences. Probably not the ideal state for meeting unknown mobsters but here we were.  

"It is what it is, lets get on with it!" 

'What?'

"Nothing."

My god! How out of it was I? The heavy standing next to me looked as confused as I felt. I glanced around. One car, two mobsters and me. We were waiting but they hadn't told me for what. All I knew was this was the middle of the god forsaken desert and we were all staring at a horizon that wasn't giving any answers. Time became an abstract. My watch was broken and I couldn't ask my statuesque companions. I tried to measure the path of the sun but every time I looked up I was blanket-blinded from every direction equally. I attempted to gauge time by the fatigue in my legs but they were shot to shit before I got out of bed this morning. Jesus, I needed to get back on track. After some time spent counting the number of seconds it took sweat to trickle down my back and extrapolating time from there, my hopeless mathematics were interrupted by something on the horizon.

What was that? It was like a silver dot at first, slowly getting larger. Getting closer and closer it seemed to bring with it a hurricane whistling hell. It got larger and larger, faster and faster. Whatever it was, it was moving at incomprehensible speed and carrying a noise so burning and penetrant, it felt the very gods of the underworld were coming. The entire horizon behind it became consumed by a dust cloud that damn near blotted out the sun. I felt myself plant my toes into the floor as if leaping in any direction would save me from this torpedo of silver hell coming at me. Eventually it broke the heat haze and came into focus. Was that... A car? 

The miraculous silver shape roared and slowed and slid up along side us like a giant drop of mercury mirroring all that surrounded it. I looked at my own reflection as it stopped, Christ, I looked as lost as felt. The heat coming off this alien craft was incredible. The whole thing seemed to hum with a sense of its own magnificence. My awe was interrupted by a clunk and a hiss, then a portal on the top of the ship opened up. Up from inside stood the large frame and bald head of the Las Vegas Godfather, Disorder. Was I dead? About to die? Why would I be here seeing this? Was this all a trick by agencies that wanted me gone? Had the pollution in my mind reached such levels that none of this was real? I watched the large man climb down and step toward me. He stood for a moment and stared at me without speaking. I grew incredibly anxious. He placed a large hand on my uncertain shoulder and spoke.

'I have a job for you.'

"I don't want it."

He chuckled as if I didn't mean my reflex reply. I did. I was uncertain of many things but this, I was absolutely fucking certain I didn't want this. I didn't know what it was or why one of the country's most horrible men was asking me but whatever it was, I wanted no part of it. I had no chance. Choice was a luxury of free men and it had been a while since I'd been one of those. Damn my past decisions, my weakness for leggy blonds and experimental chemicals. My future was now tied to this silver dragon, I would have to dry my eyes, pinch my dick and feel its lungs as it roared. The Godfather motioned to the car. I did my level best to look composed as a white-coated man with a clip board walked toward me. My fate, in the form of suicidal instructions in pages in his hands. 

T. Scully

Tune in next time for more of Tom's wild adventures!

Editor's note: Tom's lifestyle is unconventional. We do all we can to support him but he can be a hard man to find, let alone extract work from. In the event he goes missing or dies, the Rebel Reporter slot will be filled by one of our other stellar journalists. If you wish to contribute to Tom's adventures, please send donations to Mr. T. Scully, C.O Pacific Press, Pacific Towers, The Strip, Las Vegas. 

After picking up her lunch from the boardwalk, Gracie made her way down the streets to head back to work. She stopped for a second, curious as the sight of a group of people holding papers. Could it be? Was there finally something witty and entertaining to read in paper format on the streets again? Her heart skipped a beat at the very thought of it so she obviously had to push closer in order to get a copy for herself. She struggled to get through, due to her size and lack of upper arm strength so instead snatched a paper out of someone’s hands, stuck her tongue out and scampered off to give it a read. 

It was that time of the week again - Friday. The best day of the week. Even though it was raining heavily outside, he knew that he didn't have to go out there once more. It was finally time to relax.

Just as he was about to fall asleep on his chair again, someone entered the office with a newspaper. It was that silly dog again - GabeTheDog. Usually, he would be outside, playing in the rain with some stupid toys. However, this time was different. He was completely soaked and had something white and large in his mouth. Not a bone, no. It looked like some sort of newspaper. 

"Here's your special delivery," he said and put it on the table. "I don't know why we received this, but the postman was so nice I couldn't not take it."

"Give me that," Mr_Cat grumbled and opened it with his paws to see what was on the inside. At first sight, there was nothing that really interested him - until he saw his own name. Right there, in the middle of the page. New Auths, it said. 

For the first time in a long time, it made him feel special. Just like back then when some anonymous source had sent him a whole package of catnip. It had been an amazing day!

He continued reading after it had gotten his interest. The stories were nice and enjoyable, and once again he recognized himself in the crosswords. "Look, Gabe! I'm in the newspaper more than once!" He pointed eagerly and attempted to solve it. After a little while, he gave up and decided it was time for a nap. Perhaps he could solve and read more later.

"Thank you. Now, please leave so I can get my beautysleep."

GabeTheDog left with a sad look on his face, closing the door behind him. It was finally time for Mr_Cat to take a nap.

Flipping though the pages of the paper Bear saw the Astrology section, reading his sign, Pisces, he says "Well fuck me, flight school is going to be hard if I cant get in the airplane. 

Every morning Niko would wake up get some coffee, read the paper, and do some crossword puzzles. He was furious today when his bodyguard didn't bring him the paper. He had to walk across the street to the corner store by himself and risk getting shot or mugged just for the morning paper.

He got a copy of a new paper "The Pacific press" and went to the office. He was enjoying completing a crossword puzzle when his bodyguard walked in, 15 minutes late.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

"I-I'm sorry boss I had to-"

"Jesus you know I could have died or gotten mugged. I had to go out and get the paper by myself today no thanks to you."

Harvey was playing an intense game of rock-paper-scissors with a man he had just met on the side of the road. Not really sure how that happened... the man had just walked up and challenged him to a game. Kinda odd but Harvey liked games. They were tied 40-40 in their best of 81 series (not sure why 81... his idea) when the man suddenly screamed

"Oh shit Niko is waiting for me! He's gonna kill me!" and ran off down the street. When he turned to run he dropped a newspaper called "The Pacific Press" Harvey had never heard of it. He picked it up and found a coffee shop to read it in. Harvey loves coffee. 

He spent almost an hour sitting in that coffee shop reading, normally he couldn't pay attention for that long but this was a good paper. He made a mental note to remember to keep his eyes open for the next copy and then took off don the street himself telling everyone he passed

"Hey did you see this new newspaper? It's great!"

Whack-Whack overheard some people talking about something new and hot off the press titled  "The Press Release."  It's that magical hour when Whack-Whack likes to venture into the streets to see the latest happenings. Stopping at a nearby newsstand, I spotted The Press Release. I ran back into my hole, poured myself a drink, wiped a days work off my eye glasses and lights up a cigarette. I flipped through the topic available and read a few sections in their entirety.  The Crossword section will be ideal over my daily cup of coffee. Notices the time, places the good read under my favorite tree and heads out to  chase that cash.

Makes a note to subscribe to the newest paper in town.

Sitting behind his desk Hisoka was scribbling away on a piece of paper, finishing up writing his last mail for the day. Folding the piece of paper he  places it into an envelope before licking the seal. He smiles at his accomplishment, finally having cleared off his desk of paperwork he places the mail into his outbox to send off to the post office. Slouching back in his chair Hisoka lets out a long sigh of relief, finally getting a bit of relaxation to end his day....or so he thought.

As he leaned back in his comfortable ass chair, glancing over to his side his eyes shifted to something underneath his desk. Sitting up he pushes the chair backwards, kneeling down he removes a dusty newspaper that must have fallen due to the recent clutter. Brushing off the mild dirt that accumulated around it Hisoka begins to sit back once more in his chair while reading it over. Flipping through the pages he stops...

"Well shit...seems I'm a tad bit late on keeping up on the news."

He begins reading headlines out loud to himself that seemed to have passed already with or without his knowledge. Continuing reading down the paper he finds himself grinning like a little child hearing his astrology for the day.

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)

The stuff that scares you probably won't happen but other bad stuff definitely will.

Hisoka begins to rub his chin while staring at the newspaper, pondering over his true fears in life and what he could do to keep the bad shit away. Shaking away the thoughts in his head he curses "Fuck it. whatever happens, happens." 

Skimming through the articles he finds a pen on his desk and begins circling a few of the personal adds hoping to pawn them off on one of his hands to pick up some extra business.

As he finishes reading, Hisoka flips over the newspaper closing it. To his surprise he finds himself staring, trying to decode a crossword puzzle on the back of the paper while smiling with his pen in hand.