OFFER UP YOUR BEST JOKES TO THE DAILY HUSTLE

...Dungeons & Dragons Humor...

Yo' momma so fat, under size category it just says "DAYUM!"
Yo' momma so fat, she got stuck in her dimension door!

You Mama is so fat, she sells protection on the side... her left side XD

^ That's the kind've response Izzy is talking about >.>

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom fainted.

Q: Why did the Mafia cross the road?

A:  Fuggedaboutit

*Ba dum tss*

A college professor was asked to substitute a class today. A few minutes after class begun a boy came walking in.

"Sorry I am late sir I was on Cherry Hill."

The professor nodded and told the guy to take a seat, a few minutes later another boy came in late.

"Sorry for the lateness, I was on Cherry Hill."

The professor once again nodded and told the guy to take a seat. Yet another guy came perusing in late a few moments later.

"Sorry I was on Cherry Hill."

The professor became frustrated at this point. Before he could become angrier yet another student came in late, the professor this time angered for the disruption ask her..

"Let me guess...YOU TOO were on Cherry Hill?"

The girl then looked at the professor confusingly.

"No sir."

The teacher was surprised for once, then the girl further replied.

"I AM Cherry Hill."

yo momma so fat I got to run around her just to say hi

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife. “Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
 

A strong lad called Lenny goes to the doctor with the weirdest symptoms. He is in total pain where ever he touches himself he could feel excruciating pain.

The doctor examines him pokes and prods but to no avail he cannot find anything wrong or extract pain out of Lenny. Finally the confused quack asks Lenny to show him where he is experiencing pain.

Lenny starts to touch himself and exert pain on every single part of himself that he touches.

The Dr looks at Lenny in a not so amused face.

"Lenny, your fucking finger is broken" !!!

A man goes to the movie theatre with his duck. The ticket agent looks at the man and then at the duck, which is on a leash. The ticket agent states that the duck is not permitted in the theatre. The man explains that the duck is his service pet. However, because he didn’t have his service pet certification on him, the duck wasn’t allowed in.

The man then goes to the side of the theatre and stuffs the duck down the front of his pants. With no duck to be seen, the ticket agent allows the man in. The theatre was packed and the man ends up sitting next to two old ladies.

About twenty minutes into the movie the duck was getting uncomfortable and hot so the man unzips his pants to let the duck breath. The duck sticks out his head and starts looking around. One old lady nudges the other lady and exclaims, “Hey, this guy next to me just unzipped his pants.” The lady furthest away says, “Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all”. The other lady replies, “Yes, that’s what I thought, but this one’s eating my popcorn”.

How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Two calves, an ass, a beaver, a shitload of hares, one camel toe and a fish no-one can find.

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar.... followed by Batman.

Yo' Momma so fat, her belt size is equator.

Yo' Momma so fat, her blood type is rocky road.

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?

A: When he's standing next to your girlfriend and comments on how nice her hair smells!

A little old grey-haired lady went into the bank one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (after all, the customer is always right).

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"

The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

President gets nervous

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did.

The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.

The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 a.m. today, I'd have the bank president's balls in my hand."

yo momma so fat she has smaller fat ladies in orbit around her.

Marriage is like a deck of cards In the beginning all you need is two Hearts and a Diamond. By the end, you wish you had a Club and a Spade!

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

My life... :(

Relationships are like Cigarettes , no no not bad for your heath. They are the same because like a relationship they start with a searing hot flame.... and once you done ends in ashes :D

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this?
Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.