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Best Worst Joke | Started by: ChibiMoon on Nov 13, '20 12:17 |
Reply by: Jumped at Jun 28, '21 15:08 | |
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Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?
He took a day off. |
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Reply by: KlausTheCultLeader at Jun 28, '21 15:23 | |
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What kind of car does an egg drive? A Yolkswagen. What do you call a factory that sells generally decent goods? A satisfactory. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. |
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Reply by: ZebrishRed at Jun 28, '21 15:51 | |
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I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.” |
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Reply by: Gertrude at Jun 28, '21 20:21 | |
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A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice." |
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Reply by: Jumped at Jun 28, '21 20:39 | |
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Two cows in a field, one says to the other "don't you worry about this mad cow disease?" The other says " why would it worry me? I'm a sheep" |
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Reply by: Gertrude at Jun 29, '21 00:15 | |
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My friend once called a few house painters to his house for some work. He wanted them to paint his porch. After a few hours, the house painters came back for the payment as their work was complete. Before leaving they told my friend that they had enjoyed painting his car, but it is not really a Porsche. |
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Reply by: Lucky at Jun 29, '21 00:57 | |
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Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts to | |
Reply by: Scarin at Jun 29, '21 14:46 | |
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A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit. He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers. He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait. Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line. |
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Reply by: Jumped at Jun 30, '21 10:36 | |
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I ran into this girl at a a vegan restaurant that said she knew me. But I never met herbivore. |
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Reply by: Yanny at Jun 30, '21 16:00 | |
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What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know which came first. |
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Reply by: Yanny at Jun 30, '21 16:03 | |
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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" |
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Reply by: Ogie_Oglethorpe at Jul 01, '21 01:56 | |
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My friend entered a pun contest. |
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Reply by: Gertrude at Jul 01, '21 22:32 | |
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A drunk stumbling through the woods comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He walks out into the water and bumps into the preacher. Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?” The drunk answers, “Yes, I am.” So, the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water, pulls him up and asks, “Brother, have you found Jesus?” The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.” The preacher, shocked at his answer, dunks him again, a little longer this time. Pulling him out of the water again, he asks, “Now, have you found Jesus, my brother?” The drunk again answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.” By this time the preacher, at his wits end, dunks him again – this time holding him down until he begins kicking his arms and legs. Then he pulls him up. The preacher again asks, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?” After first wiping his eyes and catching his breath, the drunk asks the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?” |
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Reply by: WaterLilly at Jul 02, '21 00:01 | |
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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.” |
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Reply by: ElleGrayson at Jul 02, '21 00:40 | |
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Which bear is the most condescending? a Pan Duh! Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands |
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Reply by: Cannon- at Jul 02, '21 02:05 | |
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My Mexican friend takes anti-anxiety medication. It's for Hispanic attacks! What pan is the best to make sushi in? Japan, of course! |
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Reply by: Mr_Cat at Jul 02, '21 09:58 | |
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There is a skeleton in our neighborhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens. He has actually become quite famous and when a TV crew interviewed about the reason behind this ability, the skeleton finally disclosed his secret: he could feel the bad vibes in his bones. |
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Reply by: WaterLilly at Jul 03, '21 00:25 | |
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I just watched a documentary about beavers. |
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Reply by: SebasianSky at Jul 03, '21 06:37 | |
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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. |
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Reply by: SebasianSky at Jul 03, '21 06:40 | |
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