A photon walks into a hotel and checks in. "Do you want a hand with your luggage?" Asks the receptionist.

"No thanks." Replied the photon, "I'm travelling light."

What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy?

Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

“Aye, matey!”

A drunk man stumbled upon a lakeside baptism revival, he is asked if he would like to find Jesus, "Yes" he says. 

So the man goes into the lake waist deep and the pastor gently dunks him under water and raises him up. "Have you found Jesus?" Asked the pastor "No!" Says the man. So the pastor dunks him again, and asks "Have you found Jesus? " "No!", after the third dunking, the pastor asks for the third time ""HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS? " "NO!" shouts the drunk "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

What is the most saddest day of the week???? Saturday LMAO!!!!

Ok, I'm done with the terrible jokes.

What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach? "It's not you, it's a-me!"

What's the award for being best dentist? A little plaque.

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?  
The ultrasound guy.

What about on his day off?
The hip replacement guy.

Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh

What's brown and sticky? a stick

How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor

Mischievous Brothers

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time dude. GOD is missing, and they think we did it!

1K1K

133 Answers

Like

Answer

Who did the zombie take to the dance?
His ghoul-friend.

What washes up on really small beaches?
Micro-waves.

I think I like this joke more for my nephew's reaction to it than the actual joke itself.

-Knock knock,
Who's there?
-Bear.
Bear who?
-Bare bum.

Kid genuinely finds it hilarious every time.

Dad jokes are the best jokes. 

Pick up lines are good dad jokes...do you believe in love at first sight or would you like me to walk by again.

knock knock

whos there?

Interrupting cow

Interrupting co..

MOOOO!!!

I dont know...

Mum jokes are good in an ironic kinda way

You're mumma is so dumb she fell out the window trying to iron the curtains. 

As a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. It always struck me as odd to be asking this question right after brain surgery, so a colleague suggested I ask patients to show me their teeth. Armed with this new phrase, I said to my next patient, “Mr. Smith, show me your teeth.” He shook his head. “The nurse has them.”