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Best Worst Joke | Started by: ChibiMoon on Nov 13, '20 12:17 |
There are three friends named Mad, Brain, and Fight. One day Fight went missing and his friends Mad and Brain started searching for him. Then Brain said, "Mad, let's file a missing person report with the police." When they were about to walk into the police station, Brain said, "Mad, you go and make the report. I will wait for you here." Mad said, "Okay." Mad walked in but no police officers paid attention to him. Then he saw a policeman drinking a cup of coffee. Mad went to the officer, smacked the table, and the cup of coffee flew in the air, landing in the officer's lap. Angry, the policeman asked, "Are you looking for a fight?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am." The policeman asked, "Are you mad?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am Mad." The policeman then asked, "Don't you have a brain?" Mad replied, "Brain is outside sir." |
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Reply by: Lucky at Aug 05, '21 00:13 | |
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A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners |
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Reply by: BobTheCanuck at Aug 05, '21 02:01 | |
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Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten. |
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Reply by: Laura at Aug 06, '21 20:08 | |
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Did you ever hear about the person who invented the shovel? It was ground breaking. |
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Reply by: ChristOnACracker at Aug 07, '21 00:46 | |
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For a high school dance, the head boy asked out the girl he liked. To get flowers for her, he had to stand in a line outside the florist for an hour. To make things worse, he had to wait another hour in a line outside the tuxedo shop. Finally, he goes to the dance with the girl. The girl wanted to have some apple punch so the boy went to get it, but to his surprise, there was no punch line. |
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Reply by: Massimo at Aug 07, '21 02:51 | |
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A blonde walks into a dry cleaners and tells the woman at the counter, "I need to have an outfit washed." |
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Reply by: Laura at Aug 08, '21 00:08 | |
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There is a skeleton in our neighborhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens. He has actually become quite famous and when a TV crew interviewed about the reason behind this ability, the skeleton finally disclosed his secret: he could feel the bad vibes in his bones. |
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Reply by: TheBeast at Aug 08, '21 06:03 | |
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That is truly bad...in the best possible way...lol. Are all of these what they would call 'dad jokes'? |
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Reply by: Joseph_Balzano at Aug 08, '21 12:03 | |
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The boss said I should go home because I really don't look good. |
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Reply by: BobTheCanuck at Aug 08, '21 20:51 | |
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an old man went to a market asking the seller, do you have a metal nails? he said no, the next day the man came again and asked for the same thing, the third day same thing happened, the seller decided to get metal nails for the man, when the man came and asked for them the seller told he have them, the old man looked at the seller and said why would a market have such things. and left. |
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Reply by: H-E-R-O at Aug 09, '21 08:57 | |
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What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean. |
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Reply by: Laura at Aug 10, '21 00:28 | |
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Want to hear a joke about my broken pencil? eh... it's useless, no point! What did one hotdog say to the other? Hi Frank (my kids used to love/hate these) |
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Reply by: Mayhem at Aug 10, '21 01:26 | |
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The owner of a golf course on the Gold Coast was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from university and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings." |
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Reply by: Mustie at Aug 10, '21 02:10 | |
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Dark Humor is like clean water......
Not everyone gets it.
LOL Gotta love tiktok. |
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Reply by: Ren at Aug 10, '21 06:49 | |
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A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue." |
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Reply by: Massimo at Aug 11, '21 02:49 | |
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An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. |
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Reply by: Laura at Aug 12, '21 00:54 | |
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A mom and a son come home from the grocery store. The boy immediately empties out a box of animal crackers and the mom asks him why. The boy says, "You should not eat it if the seal is broken, so I'm looking for the seal." |
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Reply by: Lucky at Aug 13, '21 00:22 | |
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In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart. Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The bushes. My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool. |
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Reply by: ZebrishRed at Aug 14, '21 00:17 | |
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A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
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Reply by: Ren at Aug 14, '21 04:56 | |
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An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?” “Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly. “Okay,” he said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?” The atheist, visibly surprised by the old cowboy's intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” To which the cowboy replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know crap?”........... |
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Reply by: WaterLilly at Aug 15, '21 00:07 | |
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