So did you ever wonder why the young strawberry was so sad all the time?

Pause to build suspense....

It's because his parents were in a jam.

My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. We didn't really give it much thought until my brother really started eating his homework for dinner. When we stopped him and asked why he was doing that, he replied, "I was just trying to see how it tasted because my teacher said that the homework would be a piece of cake for me."

This is a Joke. 

Well, that didn't work....did it???

When it comes to jokesss...Do we have to say something funny? Can't it be rhetorical or stupid and still be funny? 

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I've led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

A very boring preacher spoke at a service. Afterwards, a member of the congregation told the preacher that his sermon reminded him of the peace and love of God. 

Rather pleased with himself, the preacher was delighted and asked the member why. 

"Well, replied the member, the peace of God because it passed all understanding and the love of God because it went on for ever"

My buddy is a truck driver. The other day he had the old tires on his tractor trailer truck replaced.

His vehicle was semi retired.

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit." The mortician says, "We’ll take care of it, ma’am," and yells to the back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

Two muffins were sitting in an oven.

One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.”

The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!”

Why is the cemetery so loud? cause of all of the coffin's :) 

Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side (I still crack myself up on these dumbass dad jokes.
 

I recently took up blindfolded archery

I'm liking it a lot. If you haven't tried, give it a go.

You don't know what you're missing.

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit." The mortician says, "We’ll take care of it, ma’am," and yells to the back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

The poor man asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
 

The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, "A pair of slippers and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The poor man astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."