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Best Worst Joke | Started by: ChibiMoon on Nov 13, '20 12:17 |
I got into the car and couldn't figure out how the seatbelt worked!! Then it clicked! |
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Reply by: Tombstone at Sep 12, '21 11:12 | |
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What do you call a bear with no socks or shoes?? ....................................... Barefoot! How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? ....................................... He felt his presents! Quickly finds the door. |
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Reply by: Nathalie at Sep 12, '21 16:35 | |
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A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters! ‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’ |
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Reply by: Astraea at Sep 13, '21 01:14 | |
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Muggy here with a chance of thinderstorm.
however, not Far East of me they are expecting a tornado - so thoughts and positive wishes are with theM!!! |
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Reply by: Squirrelly-Dan at Sep 13, '21 03:13 | |
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I was walking down a country lane the other day when I saw as sign that read "Duck, eggs". I wondered why the comma was there. Then it hit me. |
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Reply by: Fr_Ted_Crilly at Sep 13, '21 11:18 | |
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Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.” |
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Reply by: CharlieCroker at Sep 13, '21 13:14 | |
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Reply by: BobTheHiter at Sep 13, '21 14:02 | |
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This is a joke i heard that was so bad it was good, if that makes any sense.
So i went to a wedding last night. It was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.
:) |
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Reply by: Ray_Liotta at Sep 13, '21 16:01 | |
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What's the difference between Batman and a robber? Batman can go into a store without Robin.
What do you call it when Batman skips Church? Christian Bale. |
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Reply by: Hawkeye at Sep 14, '21 11:21 | |
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Dad: Son, I want you to marry a girl of my choice. |
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Reply by: Sherwood at Sep 17, '21 00:31 | |
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What did the fish say when he swam in to a wall..
Dam! |
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Reply by: pyscochef at Sep 17, '21 09:09 | |
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Did you hear about the guy that invented the "Knock knock" joke...
He won the "No-Bell" Prize |
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Reply by: pyscochef at Sep 17, '21 09:10 | |
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The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge. I bet they are excited about flattening the curve, though. |
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Reply by: CharlieCroker at Sep 17, '21 12:53 | |
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That nobel prize joke reminded me of one of my favourite rubbish joke: - Why do cows wear bells? - Cos their horns don't work. |
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Reply by: Rorschach at Sep 20, '21 08:25 | |
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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."
Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" |
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Reply by: Hawkeye at Sep 22, '21 08:06 | |
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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
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Reply by: Bluto at Sep 23, '21 00:26 | |
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Ofcourse I believe in astrology.... I am just like my star sign. A virgin.
What's the difference between Astrology and Astronomy? About 50 IQ points. |
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Reply by: Astraea at Sep 23, '21 01:43 | |
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Reply by: Dr_Satan at Sep 24, '21 00:42 | |
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Just before the final exam in my college finance class, a less-than-stellar student approached me. “Can you tell me what grade I would need to get on the exam to pass the course?” he asked. I gave him the bad news. “The exam is worth 100 points. You would need 113 points to earn a D.” “OK,” he said. “And how many points would I need to get a C?” | |
Reply by: Chad at Sep 25, '21 00:02 | |
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A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume." So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing." Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken. |
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Reply by: Dr_Satan at Sep 25, '21 00:13 | |
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