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Best Worst Joke | Started by: ChibiMoon on Nov 13, '20 12:17 |
What happened to the turkey that got in a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google. |
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Reply by: Hawkeye at Oct 10, '21 06:27 | |
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A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care. The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.” Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment. This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.” The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?” The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.” |
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Reply by: Dr_Satan at Oct 11, '21 00:02 | |
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Q: Why do cemeteries have walls and fences? Q: What happens if you combine a vampire and a snowman? |
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Reply by: Astraea at Oct 11, '21 00:37 | |
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Two men meet on opposites sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me to get to the other side!”The other guy shouts, “You are on the other side!” |
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Reply by: CharlieCroker at Oct 11, '21 13:49 | |
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The other day I was singing in the shower, and I got soap in my mouth. Guess what happened then? It became a soap opera |
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Reply by: HannahGrace at Oct 12, '21 00:09 | |
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A young boy is pulling his wagon up a hill when one of the back wheels falls off and rolls down the hill. The young boy says, "I'll be darned." A local pastor heard him and said, "You should not say that. Next time your wheel falls off say, 'Praise the Lord.'" So the next day the young boy is pulling his wagon up the hill and the wheel falls off and rolls down the hill. The young boy says, "Praise the Lord." The wheel stops rolling, turns around, rolls back up the hill and puts itself back on the wagon. The young boy being very surprised by this exclaims, "I'll be darned!" |
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Reply by: Sherwood at Oct 12, '21 00:10 | |
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What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s diameter to its circumference? Pumpkin Pi!
What happens when winter arrives? Autumn leaves! |
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Reply by: Hawkeye at Oct 12, '21 03:55 | |
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A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: "What's your blood type?" "I'm probably a Type O", said the rabbit. |
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Reply by: SyrianLannister at Oct 12, '21 07:04 | |
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Q: What is a vampire’s worst fear? Q: What should you give a pumpkin who can’t quit smoking? Q: What happened to the man who got behind on payments to his exorcist? |
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Reply by: Astraea at Oct 13, '21 00:08 | |
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A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day. The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.” Tommy replied, “Well, then just give me my money back. That’s fine.” The farmer said, “Sorry, I can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Tommy then said, “Okay, then, just bring me the dead horse.” The farmer was surprised and asked Tommy, “Why? What ya gonna do with him?” Tommy replied, “I’m going to raffle him off.” The farmer laughed and said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse! Who’d buy a ticket?” Tommy answered, “Sure I can, just watch me. I just won’t tell anybody the horse is dead.” A month later, the farmer met up with Tommy again and asked, “What happened with that dead horse in the end. Did you raffle him off?” Tommy said, “I sure did. I sold 500 tickets at $5 a piece.” The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Tommy smiled and said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $5 back.” |
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Reply by: Dr_Satan at Oct 13, '21 00:11 | |
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What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird. |
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Reply by: Bluto at Oct 13, '21 00:20 | |
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A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”“Pop,” goes the weasel. |
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Reply by: CharlieCroker at Oct 15, '21 21:14 | |
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Lady: "Is this my train?" |
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Reply by: Sherwood at Oct 16, '21 00:06 | |
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If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, then your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold. | |
Reply by: Chad at Oct 16, '21 00:16 | |
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A mathematician, a physicist and a statistician went hunting for deer. When they chanced upon one buck lounging about, the mathematician fired first, missing the buck's nose by a few inches. The physicist then tried his hand, and missed the tail by a wee bit. The statistician started jumping up and down saying "We got him! We got him!" |
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Reply by: Hawkeye at Oct 16, '21 04:21 | |
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Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom. |
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Reply by: Dr_Satan at Oct 16, '21 07:15 | |
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An uneducated father with his educated son went for a camping |
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Reply by: Sherwood at Oct 17, '21 00:09 | |
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What do you call a man with his toes in his knees? Tony. A battery and a firework were walking down the street when they were arrested. One was charged, the other got let off. |
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Reply by: Jaxson at Oct 17, '21 22:51 | |
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A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out. The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.” |
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Reply by: CharlieCroker at Oct 17, '21 23:16 | |
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A woman burst out of the examining room screaming after her young physician tells her she is pregnant. The director of the clinic stopped her and asked what the problem was. After she tells him what happened, the doctors had her sit down and relax in another room and he marched down the hallway where the woman’s physician was and demanded, “What is wrong with you.. Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant” The young physician continued to write his notes and without looking up at his superior, asked, “Does she still have the hiccups” |
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Reply by: HannahGrace at Oct 18, '21 00:17 | |
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