Get Timers Now!
X
 
Mar 29 - 02:16:13
-1
Page: [ <<< - << - < ] … 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 … [ > - >> - >>> ]
Best Worst Joke Started by: ChibiMoon on Nov 13, '20 12:17

I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, the signs were all there.

Report Post Tips: 3 / Total: $60,000 Tip
There has been a lot of competition so far Chad, but I think your winning. That has to be the worst one yet.
Report Post Tip
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line.

Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn't press your luck.
Report Post Tips: 1 / Total: $20,000 Tip

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

Report Post Tip

Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter. “My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.” “I know,” says the second owner. “How do you know?” the first demands. “My dog told me.”

Report Post Tip

I accidentally swallowed some food colouring...

 

I dyed inside.

Report Post Tip

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband,

"it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"NO, I did NOT, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.

"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

Report Post Tip
  1. Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines.
  2. What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear!
  3. I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.
Report Post Tip
Did you hear that Sweden elected the CEO of IKEA as their President?

Now he’s just assembling his cabinet….
Report Post Tip

A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

“Magic beer,” he says.

“Oh, yeah? What’s so magical about it?”

Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile.

“Amazing!” the man says. “Lemme try some of that!” The man grabs the beer. He downs it, leaps off the roof—and plummets 15 stories to the ground.

The bartender shakes his head. “You know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Report Post Tip

What kinda computer can sing?

 

Adele!

Report Post Tip
  1. I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
  2. What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle.
  3. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
Report Post Tip

What do you call someone who's been riding a bike all day?

 

Tired

Report Post Tip

A father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.
The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?”
Son: “Yeah.”
Detector: “Beep.“
Son: “OK, OK, I was at the movies.”
Detector: “Beep.”
Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.”
Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!“
Detector: “Beep.”
Mother laughs: “Ha! He really is your son!”
Detector: “Beep.”

Report Post Tip

this one is more bad because of the type of humor it is (graveyard humor)but lets be honest who doesnt get by with a bit of graveyard humor?

 

what does a toilet and a graveyard have in common? when you have to go you have to go!

Report Post Tip

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Report Post Tip

Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? 

A: Same middle name.

 

Q: What is the opposite of a croissant?

A: A happy uncle.

 

Q: What's the opposite of irony?

A: Wrinkly

Report Post Tips: 2 / Total: $40,000 Tip
Why are footballers never hot?

Because of all the fans…

(My 6 y/o likes that one at least)
Report Post Tip
…and in fact, on the note of my 6 year old…

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

Deary me…
Report Post Tip

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. 

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.

He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Report Post Tips: 2 / Total: $40,000 Tip

This Forum Is For Topics Other Than The Game (AKA Outside)
Replying to: Best Worst Joke
Compose Body:

@Mention Notifications: On More info
How much do you want to tip for this post?

Minimum $20,000

(NaN)
G2
G1
L
H
D
C
Private Conversations
0 PLAYERS IN CHANNEL