Heres 2

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

What does a nosey pepper do?

It gets jalapeño business. 

Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom.
The other three guys start talking about how successful their sons are.
Guy 1: My son is so successful he owns a car dealership and just gave his best friend a Ferrari.
Guy 2: That's nothing, my son owns an airliner and just gave his best friend a private jet
Guy 3: Well my son is more success than that, he owns an architecture firm and just gave his best friend a castle
Guy 4 walks out of the bathroom and walks over to the other 3 guys
Guy 4: Hey guys what are we talking about
Guy 1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our sons are
Guy 4:Well, my son is a Gay stripper
Guy 2: You must be so disappointed with what he's done with his life
Guy 4: Actually, he is doing very well for himself. He just got a Ferrari, a jet, and a castle from his three boyfriends

A guy walked into a bar... a table, and a chair.

.... Thanks I'll be here all week.

So two guys walk into a bar but it's closed due to COVID so they go and drink at home

• Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much? She sleighs.
• What reindeer game do reindeer play at sleepovers? Truth or deer.
• What did Santa say when he stepped into a big puddle? It must have reindeer.
• What does Rudolph want for Christmas? A Pony sleigh station.
• What is Santa's dogs name? Santa Paws!
• Where do Santa's reindeer stop for coffee? Star-bucks!
• What’s every elf’s favorite type of music? Wrap!

What do you do when you witness a shipwreck...

You let it sink in. 

 I could make this joke "hilarious" by describing how sink in is funny, because a shipwreck means a ship is sinking, but you see sink in is also a term people might use to denote taking in information. In conclusion the sink in phrase has 2 meanings that are different to make this joke exactly what it is. If you did manage to read all of this, i worry for your sanity.

Two men meet on opposite sides of a river.  One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!"

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.

Charlie: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail.

Found out Grandpa was addicted to Viagra.  No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

Mine is a dad joke(s).

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI

What's a pirate's favorite element? Arrrgon!

What does a dad bring 2 pairs of socks when he goes golfing? Because he gets a hole in one!

Why is a calender afraid? Because its days are numbered!

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

A husband and wife are shopping in their local store. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife. They carry on with their shopping.

A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

That's him laying on Aisle 5.

mine is a sillly joke! But still good ones!

"I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up."

"Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for decades"

Santa walks into a bar. He asks the barman, "How tall is a penguin?" The barman says about three feet. Santa, "Don't you get any penguins taller than that!" The barman says, "Maybe maximum four feet but no taller than that." Santa, "Oh shit, in that case, I just drove over a nun!"

It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one. In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, 'Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?' 'No, madam, 'he replied, 'they're all dead.'

Knowing that the pastor enjoyed his drink, a hotel owner offered him a case of cherry brandy for Christmas in exchange for a free ad in the church newsletter. The pastor agreed and ran this in the next issue: “The pastor would like to thank Patrick Smith for his kind gift of a crate of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given.”