When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."

1. What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics!
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9!
4. Grandma: Back in our days, you could buy bread, milk, soaps, spices, eggs, meat, all for a dollar.
   Little Kid: You can’t do that now. They have CCTVs everywhere!
5. When your teacher asks “Where’s your homework?” It took a sick day. It had too many problems.
6. You can’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
7. Why won’t it hurt if you hit your friend with a 2-liter of soda? Because it’s a soft drink!
8. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the best parties? He was a fun-gi!
9. What has four wheels and flies? Garbage truck
10. I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check

The best worst joke I've ever heard is PlagueGuy's life. Like, how can you interact with him and not laugh? Pathetic little insect.

I wonder why I am not seeing any elevator jokes here, when they're so classic and good.. They work on many levels.

these are really good!! LOL  I Have one for yalls!

I found a job helping a one-armed typist type capital letters. It’s shift work.

I know Terrible! LOL

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? ......

Nothing they just waved. :P

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.

I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

I broke as a mother fucker, and I've been broke since I was a kid, shit I'm consistent.    

1. Why did the leprechaun go outside?

To sit on his paddy-o

2. What type of bow cannot be tied?

A rainbow

3. What is a leprechaun’s favorite type of music?

Sham-rock ‘n’ roll

4. What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick’s Day?

BOOs

5. What do you call an Irish spider?

Paddy long legs

Happy St. Patrick's Day 🍀 🍺

Me: What’s the Wi-Fi password?

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.

Me: OK, I’ll have a Coke.

Bartender: Three dollars.

Me: There you go. So what’s the Wi‑Fi password?

Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.” No spaces, all lowercase.

Okay, this one is short and very stupid, just as this thread wants it.

How do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

Spring:

1. Why are waterbeds so bouncy?

They’re filled with spring water.

2. Does February march?

No, but April may!

3. Which month of the year is the shortest?

May. It only has three letters.

4. Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug?

She’s having her babies in the spring.

5. What can you find in the middle of April and March but not at the beginning or end of either?

The letter R!

A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”.

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”.

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”.

“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”.

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”.

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”.

“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”.

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”.

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is ‘yes’.”.

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”.

“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”.

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”.

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.”

 An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."

A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."

I have been afraid for the calendar lately cause it's days are numbered.

What do you call a fish wearing a bow tie? sofishticated lolol, love that one.

I think the worst joke ever that I have heard in my life Is a joke that I have heard since I was in my 8th grade. Yup, you heard it... A joke that I've heard since I was in grade 8th.

One thing is for sure, that the joke was very worst that it was so worst that I have ended up killing my neighbor's cockroach in their yard. Yup, you heard it... Very worst that I have ended up killing my neighbor's cockroach in their yard.

What movies teach us.

According to Hollywood movies - 1 out of every 5 Americans work for the CIA .
According to Chinese movie- 1 out of every 5 Chinese is a Kungfu master.
According to Japanese movies- Every 1 out of 5 Japanese is a Ninja.
According to Indian movies - Every hero in a movie is a dancer and a singer.