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Best Worst Joke Started by: ChibiMoon on Nov 13, '20 12:17
I had to fire the guy who came in to mow my lawn the other day - he just couldn’t cut it

5 ants decided to move into an apartment with another 5 ants - now they’re tenants
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There are so many good bad ones!

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

What do you call a fake noodle? An "impasta!"
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Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

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I always knock on the fridge door before opening it, just in case there's a salad dressing.

 

I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn't work out. Turns out, good players are hard to find.

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What did the buffalo say to his child when he dropped him off at school?

...Bison.

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What’s the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wales?
One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air.

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Ok I got a couple for you! 

"Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow."

"What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick."

lol

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*Walks into the thread* 

 

 

*Stands there* 

 

 

Taaaaa daaaaaaaahhhhh

 

I swear to god this is an excellent joke but now I need to make it long enough for hustle 

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I asked my wife to rate my listening skills

She said you’re an 8 on a scale of 10.

Still don’t know why she wants me to urinate on a Skelton

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Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

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Damn you hustle..
Heres a cringey one...

Guy walks up to a girl and tell her "Hey! You do remind me of bread"
Girl goes "why would you think that way? Are you hungry"
Guy replied "cos id sure love to put my meat in between those buns"

And he gets laid. The end.
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What do you call a Can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener

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A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

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Four men walk into a bar. They all sit down next to one another and order a beer. They had a good night.
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A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. 

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Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

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So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday.

I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

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A man with terminal cancer gets frozen…

Then, he gets awakened in 2060 when they can cure his cancer.

The first thing he does when he learns he’s in 2060 is call his broker:

— Well, mister Smith, your total net worth today is $3,405,444,102.26.

Upon learning he’s a multibillionnaire, he leaps of joy and slips in some rêverie, until a little voice chimes in on the phone:

— Operator here, your three minutes are up. Please put two million dollars in the phone!

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A man was taking a leak on one of the urinols at the bar when a midget comes to the next urinol, already oppening his zipper.

The man felt uncomfortable and couldnt help but look at the midget's face, when he realized the midget was already looking at him and winking his eye.

"Excuse me, but why the fuck are you winking at me? What do you want huh? You better stop!"

The midget quickly answers:

"I dont know if you have noticed, but while you are peeing, you are splashing it all over my eye"

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One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!” 

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