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Best Worst Joke Started by: ChibiMoon on Nov 13, '20 12:17

I personally love a cheesy terrible joke, I swear they are the ones that provide me with the most amusement.

So what's your favourite bad joke? The punnier, the sillier, the better!

My favourite of all time is the classic:

Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.

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I went to the book store and asked the assistant for any books about turtles.

She asked " Hardback? "

 

And I said.. .." yeah, and little heads. "

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CAN’T COME TO CLASS

My daughter received this e-mail from a prospective student prior to the start of the semester: “Dear Professor, I won’t be able to come to any of your classes or meet for any of the tests. Is this a problem?”

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Hahaha, I love a good bad joke!

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? -An irrelephant!

Haw haw haw.

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Hmm favourite joke there are so many, but a quick one I like is 

 

What's the fastest food in the world 'scone'

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I am totally loving these so far!!

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho cheese!
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a plane crashes on the border of North Carolina and South Carolina. Where do you bury the survivors? :O

you don't bury survivor, you are welcome!

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When I'm up early, far too early, or I'm just generally feeling tired, I often describe the time of day as a "Pigs Tail". Most often prompts people to ask why, and it's because it's Twirley.

It's Toowerly.

It's too early.

Terrible, I know.

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I suppose mine is more a pun than a joke but here goes

I hate peppers

They're Jalapeno face!

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Worst one I've ever heard:

Had some dead batteries so I gave 'em away. They all went free of charge.

(I said it was the worst I've heard)

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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep
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One that comes to mind that I have never forgotten is:

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea! 

What do you call a deer with no legs?

Still no idea!

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Any cheese joke really.... they are the best.

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory?

.....De Brie everywhere

 

I am here all day.

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Oh dear God these are brilliant!

What wobbles as it flies through the air?

A jellycopter!

Dad jokes as quality
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The man who stole my diary last year has died.....my thoughts are with his family.
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Benny_The_Butcher's joke reminded me of this one:

A neutron walks into a bar. It asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?". The bartender replies, "For you, no charge!".

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A skeleton walks into a bar...

 

Bartender: What can I get you?

Skeleton: A beer and a mop.

 

It's so dumb, but still makes me laugh. 

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As a friend just told me: I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.
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These are short but funny...

 

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Because he was a fungi.

 

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.

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Man walks into a bar...................................... Ouch 

 

proper dad style joke but it puts a smile on faces

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