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Best Worst Joke Started by: ChibiMoon on Nov 13, '20 12:17

I used to tell chemistry jokes but all the good ones argon.

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"What do you call the security guards outside the Samsung factory?" - The Guardians of the Galaxy.

Yeah that one was lame as hell. I'll see myself out. 

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More chemistry jokes....

 

Have you heard about the sick chemist?

If you cant helium and you can't curium, then you will probably have to barium.

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Keeping the chemistry jokes rolling.......

How often do I tell chemistry jokes?    Periodically

I used to tell noble gas jokes but they got no reaction.

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Alright alright, one more then only because I think these chemistry jokes are sodium funny. In fact I slapped my neon that one.

You did ask for more Steve...

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. 

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, she would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. 

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Scotland."

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That made me laugh out loud there, Lucky. I'm Scottish!

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Thanks RonSwanson it was funny and I'm not Scottish 😊

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Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.

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I tried having my mother’s phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dad’s name, he’d have to be the one to put in the request. The fact that he’d been dead for 40 years didn’t sway her. Then a solution hit me: “If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?” “Well, yes,” she said reluctantly. “But that would ruin his credit.”

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My 6 year old son's first joke to me.

 

"Dad, what do you call a fish with no eyes?"

"Fsh."

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Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

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Knock knock.

Who's there?

Madam.

Madam who?

Madam foots caught in the door.

Bu dum tiss.

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I still randomly mutter the punchline to this one to myself every so often and make myself chuckle. It's actually from a comic and therefore I tilt my head to the side every time because of the drawing (link). 

Why did the ghost cross the road?

To get to the Other Side.

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what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’

Why do orphans love boomerangs?  Because they come back

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Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?   A: Cliff

Q: What do you call a man with rabbits living up his ass?   A: Warren

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What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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Another one then

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.....

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A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

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