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Best Worst Joke | Started by: ChibiMoon on Nov 13, '20 12:17 |
the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?” The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.” “You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said. The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said. “I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach." |
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Reply by: Lucky at Feb 24, '21 00:13 | |
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Have some cow jokes What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef! What do you call a cow after it gives birth? De-calf-enated! Did you hear about that cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction. |
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Reply by: Quint at Feb 24, '21 00:23 | |
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A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit. He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers. He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait. Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line. |
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Reply by: Jumped at Feb 25, '21 13:32 | |
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This is not that bad. A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. |
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Reply by: Takkar at Feb 26, '21 04:46 | |
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The police arrested two kids yesterday: One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. |
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Reply by: WaterLilly at Feb 27, '21 00:33 | |
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"Why did Mozart hate chickens?" - Because when he asked them for their favorite composer, they said, “Bach! Bach! Bach!” |
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Reply by: Patrick_Melrose at Feb 27, '21 22:39 | |
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A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a………… pint of beer please.” |
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Reply by: WaterLilly at Feb 28, '21 00:26 | |
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What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs. Ground beef. Enjoy the dad jokes. |
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Reply by: Genovese at Feb 28, '21 02:32 | |
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What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE! What’s better than Ted Danson? What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. What does a nosey pepper do? |
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Reply by: red-dog at Feb 28, '21 02:57 | |
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A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend. To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him. So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. In all, he got more than 25 pictures of various women (some with clothes and some without). He then mailed them to his now-former girlfriend with the following note: "I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back." |
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Reply by: Lucky at Mar 01, '21 00:56 | |
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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies. |
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Reply by: Lucky at Mar 03, '21 00:07 | |
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Here's a tech joke... Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking bitches! |
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Reply by: Takkar at Mar 03, '21 05:54 | |
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Trump supporters. They’re always good for a laugh | |
Reply by: CactusJack at Mar 03, '21 07:02 | |
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I heard it in TV, "someone went to a market and asked the man if he have some cheese, the guy answered that he does not have any while he does" |
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Reply by: MarcoV at Mar 03, '21 08:49 | |
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It’s old and I don’t know if it has been used by someone else, but it’s pretty ideal for this corner. What’s brown and sticky? - A stick |
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Reply by: Seymour at Mar 03, '21 23:44 | |
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A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bs driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf. If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling." The bus annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your mom was a drunk and you dad was a bum?" The boy responds, "Then I'd be a bus driver." |
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Reply by: Lucky at Mar 04, '21 00:08 | |
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Three men are stranded on an island. They are close to starvation, when a Native Tribe finds them and takes them back to their camp. The leader says:" Go in a jungle and bring back a fruit, then we will let you live". They go out looking for fruits, the first guy comes back with a peach. The leader says:" Now take the peach and shove it up your ass, if you laugh, we will kill you." In heaven the two guys meet, the first guy says:" I laughed because the peaches fuzz was tickling my bum, why did you laugh?" |
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Reply by: Lucky at Mar 05, '21 00:27 | |
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One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck. Her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing. The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?" Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?" "Well," said Mary, "this morning I bent over to feed the cat, and shot the canary!" |
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Reply by: WaterLilly at Mar 05, '21 00:34 | |
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Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together we can stop this shit. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball. |
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Reply by: _Jacko_ at Mar 05, '21 07:16 | |
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What do you do when your tampax catches fire? You tampon it.. Bud dumm tiss | |
Reply by: NicholasGrimwood at Mar 05, '21 18:43 | |
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